Trying to be more spiritual

So I'm going to try a new thing on my blog. I was going to create a separate spiritual blog, but my friend Amy told me to just try doing a spiritual post once a week and see how that goes. Frankly, I feel that I've been going through the motions a lot lately and not really being spiritual. I think I have spiritual moments, but I wouldn't say I'm a spiritual person right now. I think I'm a good person, but I want to work on that, as I know at certain points I was very spiritual, and it radiated out of me. I remember one time in college one of my friends just looked at me when I came to visit and asked if I was alright - that I looked like I just had a spiritual experience and that it looked like it was radiating off of me. Now I hadn't at that point, but I figured it might have been a reflection of me at the time. Of course it helped that I was interested in the guy who said that and that of course got me really excited.

Any way, I feel that for awhile I've been what the scriptures have called lukewarm. Well, in a way. I think I'm on the hotter side of lukewarm, but still not the burning example I need to be. My scripture reading has been lackadasical, and I can't even tell you when I've last been a frequent journal writer (although theses blogs count, in a sense). I'm usually good at praying at least morning and night, but I haven't really had a good heart to heart with God for awhile. Even while serving as Relief Society President for my YSA ward and Young Women President, I don't think I was as spiritual as I needed. I need to capture that again. I hope to get the opportunity at some point in the future to show the Lord I can do it (as YW President or a councilor, not as RSP). I think I was a good social YWP for my girls, but I could have done so much more to be that spiritual leader they needed.

I think the reason I haven't been as diligent is partly due to a bit of depression. Frankly, being single sucks sometimes. Not all the time, and not usually, but enough so that when it hits, it hits. Trying to be that best I could be didn't help me attract any guys in college, and so I think I did a mini-rebel. Why put all the effort in reading scriptures when it hasn't done anything for me.

I even thought about compromising my standards - perhaps going to bars and clubs to try to meet people. Not doing anything bad - I wouldn't drink or do anything to violate my covenants, but still, not being around the people I should be around. Luckily a friend who has been there, done that set me straight and told me it wasn't worth it. And I agree.

So, I am going to do things to try to right my ship. Although I am past the recommended Institute of Religion age, I am going to go there again. I need that constant nourishment of the scriptures to rejuvenate me. I also need to make myself read the scriptures and to fall in love with them again. And say more earnest prayers.

This has been a trying time in my life. Although I am excited to move and look forward to the new opportunities that await me, there's still fear and trepidation of the unknown. The lonliness as I don't know that many people in the ward or stake. The fear of wondering if I'll find a renter for the condo, if there will be any major problems with the house, am I safe there, missing my friends from the home ward and stake who are moving on with their lives. And of course Jewely's death was the worst thing of all. I realize now how much she comforted me. She was the one creature who really liked to snuggle up to me anytime. I could always count on her to be near me. To be so excited when I got home. She was the one I had to watch out for the most - keep her safe as she hid under the blankets and the worry when she was outside (after hearing some horror stories, I was always afraid that some bird of prey would swoop her away before I could save her). She was the closest thing I had to a child. And now she's gone - and I dropped her. I know not to blame myself, but still, it's hard.

So as those who have read my blog know (about the baby shower - or babies?) or my Facebook status (where I admitted to the world that I was feeling a bit depressed), I am feeling a bit down overall right now. Besides other possible methods, I hope that a return to those fundamentals will help me feel better about myself. And of course some exercise wouldn't hurt, either.

So that's my goal - at least one entry a week of a more spiritual nature. And to in turn become a more spiritual person. To trully know and trust the Lord. To know that when I hear that no opportunity will be denied me if I follow the commandments and do what is right I won't be frustrated thinking that nothing will change, but trust that God will help me in getting over my obstacles in life.

My new ward

So, I finally went to my new ward yesterday. I say finally, but it's only been three Sundays since I could have gone as actually living in the ward. The first Sunday I went to my old ward because I wasn't able to go the week before that to say goodbye, and last week I went to my parents 40th anniversary party. So this was the first week I could really go.

My sister and her children came up this weekend to check out the new place and help me get my condo set up to rent (mostly done, but still have some stuff to do). It was a lot of fun to have the house full. I'm really getting used to this family visiting thing. My condo was too small for family to really come visit - so hopefully this will happen more frequently - although I know not as often as I've had family visit me recently - every weekend. They left about 11:30 Sunday, and then I quickly took a shower and got ready for church. I procrastinated a bit (when do I not), and got to church about 1:05, and they were already into the first song. So I sat in the back.

This building is kind of small. It's kind of a cross between the Vallejo building and Chapel on the Hill. Probably built around the same time. Anyway, the chapel organ reminded me of Vallejo's, but the seating was like Chapel on the Hill (two big rows instead of one really big middle and two small side rows). The chapel opens to the cultural hall, which is where I sat. The missionaries came and sat by me, but didn't talk to me. Someone else grabbed their attention at the end of Sacrament. And before I could leave, the Relief Society President came by and introduced herself. When I introduced myself, she said, "Oh, you're friends with Victor..." When I introduced myself to the counselor who conducted, he also said that - so obviously Victor talked some about me. Dang. I hope my calling is in Young Womens.

Victor's family wasn't there, which filled me with panic (I was set on sitting with them and at least knowing them), but soon found Sherrie B (for those that don't know, I try to withhold last names for privacy), who used to be in my old ward. So it was great to see a familiar face, along with Robert, who I know through Victor's family. Relief Society went well. They have an atrium in the back of the room, which used to be a window opening to a courtyard, before they had to fill in most of that for more space. It's nice and I think I will be looking out during not as exciting RS lessons (although I hope to be in YW). The lesson was great. A woman about my age gave it. I'll have to get to know her. There were quite a bit of kids there, which makes me think there are a lot of people about my age - didn't seem like an old ward. Which is good, as I miss all of my similar age friends from the old ward (Shawn - I include you, not that you should question that).

The counselors are great. I actually talked to one of them before due to work (the building official where I work is LDS, and the second counselor is the building official for one of the towns nearby).

All in all, it should be good. Of course you'll always miss your old ward, but so far I have good first impressions.

Translator for the prayer?

For Thanksgiving, I went to visit my family (I'll blog more about that later). But I went to church Sunday, at the ward I've been going since I was like ten, and for the closing prayer, the sister missionary said it all in Spanish. Now, I don't mind when they do stunts like this every once in awhile, but when they do it to show what it's like for those that don't speak our language, I have two points to make - first, this is the unofficial language of the country, and so should expect it won't be in their language (just as if I went to Mexico or Russia, I wouldn't expect to hear the service in English), and second, they have a translator translating the talk or prayer into Spanish. So my only complaint is why don't we get a translator to translate the prayer back into English. I can't say 'amen' at the end of the prayer if I don't know what's been said.

I did like that they had a Spanish speaking woman speak in my current ward, but they had someone translate all the time.

Anyway, I just had to write about my very minor annoyance at that.

A Busy Weekend

I had a busy weekend. Friday night I went with my friends Joan and Jill (and some new friends - I can't remember the name of the woman who drove) to a dance. The dance itself was pretty lame, but I always love hanging out with Joan and Jill. They're hilarious! Especially on the dance floor. I got home about 2 AM then went promptly to bed, as the next morning we had a combined Young Men and Young Women trip to the beach. It was an alright day on the beach. A tad chilly and overcast, but hey, it was the beach. It would have been really relaxing if we didn't have a whole bunch of teenagers there with us. I had fun hanging out with my friend Teresa and playing volleyball with everyone.

When we got home, Megan and her friends wanted to go to Taco Bell, so I took them. Megan wanted to stay there for awhile but I told her I needed to get home. So I went home, asked Amy what she was doing, and we decided to go to the movies later. By the time I contacted her to see what movie exactly, it was too late for the 8 PM showing, so we had to watch Lakeview Terrace at 10:35 PM. It was a pretty good movie. I didn't fall asleep, which considering how tired I was, is pretty impressive. Got home at about 1:30 and went to bed by 2.

Next morning - up for Ward Council at 9 AM, back home about 11 but got too busy to take a quick nap before church at 1. Then got home just in time to quickly eat before a fireside that I fell asleep at. Oh well. At least I made it. Going to sleep at 10:30 last night was so blissful.

A nice compliment

I was asked to speak at Church in the Benicia Ward. For those that aren't LDS (who am I kidding, I'm the only one reading this post), we get regular people speaking in our wards. Once a month, a High Councilor will speak in each ward, and they usually ask for a companion speaker to speak in the ward they will speaking at (they travel to different wards in the stake). At least that's how they do it in my stake.

Anyway, I often get to speak with one of the high councilors, and he asked me to speak last Sunday in Benicia Ward. I love the Benicia Ward. The Young Women there have become good friends of mine up at camp. They're so much fun, so I always look forward to getting to see them.

This was my second time I had spoken in Benicia in six months, and I thought they would be tired of hearing from me, but they seemed to enjoy it, and afterwards, one man (30-ish, married) said that he really appreciated when I spoke there and that he really needed to hear the message I had to give (I spoke on Individual Worth). I could tell he was sincere with what he said, especially when he said they all appreciate the messages I have when I speak. That made my day and definitely made getting up early and the total six hours of church I had Sunday worth it.