Just back from Girls Camp

I just got back from a wonderful week of camping with our church Young Women Camp. I had so much fun! I always enjoy girls camp. It's always such a great spiritual experience, and a lot of fun. I think I like it most because I'm with a ton of friends, both old and young, and can be around people anytime I want. It kind of reminds me of BYU, where I had so many LDS friends around, that I really just needed to walk out the door to go hang out with people. I just loved hanging out with the girls in the cook shack, or chatting with the nurses, or visiting the girls down in lower camp. Just so many people and so much activity. I probably couldn't really stand it for another week without some changes, but I always go away feeling like I'd like to be there all the time. And every year I just think it won't be the same without the girls who move on from Young Womens, and in a sense that's true, but it's still always fun to meet the new girls and leaders and make more friends. I've come back the past few years with many new Facebook contacts. No Pete, no Carol, no Marilyn, no Jill, Allison, Allyx, or Marie, but so many I get to know, like Carla, Garnet, Taylor, Amanda, and others, besides getting to know others so much more, like April, Linda, Sharon, and Vivian. It's just so great!

I got to drive home in a caravan with two friends, and when I got off the freeway and waved bye to them, it really hit that it was all over. And it's probably the last time I'll get to go with my friends, as I've moved to a new stake, so I teared up a bit. Plus I went home to an empty house, and there was no Jewely waiting for me (although there were two other wonderful doggies waiting for me). Going from being around over a hundred people for over a week and then down to just myself was a little much, so I had to go back to my old town to visit friends, even though I really probably needed a nap and a shower. Luckily I found some friends home and hung out for a bit.

I'll update later with some pictures. My camera ended up breaking on the trip, so I have to see if it's fixable or if I have to spend even more money on a new camera. I've learned that I can't go without a camera for long - too many memories I'd miss out on capturing. But now, back to work.

Celebrating 40 Years!

OK, I need a break from the sadness. I forgot to post about my mom and dad's anniversary party. My mom and dad were married June 21, 1969, so we just celebrated their 40th wedding anniversary. Because the 21st was Father's Day weekend, and my parents were going to Pismo Beach anyway, we had their party on June 13th. Here are some pictures of the event.

Mom and Dad at the party

The kids

Danika and Johnny

Grampy listening to Nathan

Dad and Uncle Ray. Nice face on Pop!

Cutting the cake. Mom and Dad didn't smash the cake in each others face for the wedding, but they did for the party.

Zach and Timmy at the party

Timmy and Kristina dancing. Aren't they cute?

A re-inactment? Not exactly, as my dad said he never danced with my cousin, the flower girl, at the wedding.

Some more thoughts of my little loved one

It's not much of a picture, but here's my last picture of Jewely. She's looking over to the right of the tree, looking out the gate.

It's been a little over a week since I lost Jewely. Monday evening I was getting the garbage cans ready for the trash to be picked up Tuesday morning, and my dad turned the lights of his truck on so I could see better. Which is what he did last week when we went to take care of Jewely. So it brought a lot of emotions to me. I'm just always so sentimental, and saying goodbye to friends or family, even for a short time, always gets me a little.

Anyway, I remember some more things that I wanted to include. I didn't know how to insert it into the original post, so for now at least, I'll put it in a new blog. First, I remember since we moved into the house, there have been a couple of times I sent Jewely outside for awhile, and looked out and saw her laying down like a sphinx enjoying the sun. She loved being warm, and it was great to see her just enjoying the sun. One of the spots she was soaking up the sun is about where she is buried. So I thought that was really cool, in a way. She can enjoy the sun all the time now. Of course, she's up in Heaven, but you know, symbollically.

Next, I remember Jewely liking to be up on the couch with me so much, that she'd try to get on the couch and she'd do here little hippity hop to try to get on the couch, just like when she wanted me to pick her up. When I was moving and had a lot of boxes in front of the couch, I would laugh to see her little head bob up and down and she tried to get up on top of them and over to me. I'd pick her up and bring her over.

And finally, this doesn't really have to do with Jewely specifically, but over the 4th of July weekend, I watched an episode of the Twilight Zone called 'The Hunt'. In it, a man, Hyder, takes his dog Rip for a racoon hunt, where they both fall into a lake. Later, they realize they've passed on, and they go for a walk along a road after he doesn't recognize a fence. They come to a gate where a man says his spot is saved for him. Hyder wants to take Rip along, but the man says dogs aren't allowed. The man decides that a place where he couldn't be with his dog was no place for him, so he continues on the road. Eventually, he encounters another man and gate. The man says his place in heaven is ready for him. When Hyder asks if his dog can come, the man says of course. He tells the man about the other man and how they wouldn't allow his dog to go with him. The man tells him that's because the other place is basically Hell, and that they know the dog would know they were in the wrong place and try to warn Hyder, so it's a good thing he had Rip with him. He tells him a man will walk right into Hell with both eyes open, but even the Devil can't fool a dog.

It's just ironic that I watched this episode a few days before Jewely died. A place where she wasn't around wouldn't be a place I'd like to be. I'm greatful for the kind words of encouragement my friends and family have given me, and personal stories that shore up my faith that I will see Jewely again.

The life and meaning of Jewely Gilson

I never was much of a small dog person. I definitely never imagined myself having small dogs, seeing the ridiculous people with their chihuahuas and how high pitched their barking was. Who wants a yappy dog?

But then my parents discovered miniature pinschers. My dad worked as a contractor for a woman, Francis, who raised miniature pinschers, and as part of his payment, she offered my dad a miniature pinscher. Over the years, my dad got about five or six dogs from her, including Diego's parents, and eventually, Jewely. Jewely is a very small miniature pinscher. I mean very small. Any time you'd pick her up, you were almost worried about breaking her leg. It would be easy to do. Not that she wasn't strong, and she never did break her leg or anything until she died, but she just seemed so delicate.

So my dad did a lot of work to get Jewely, and they had her for about a year, I'd guess, when my mom called me and said that she thought that both dogs shouldn't be alone (Diego and Jewely), so either I could give Diego to them or they'd bring Jewely to me. I think this was as a result of telling her that Diego had seperation anxiety when I went to work. So of course, they brought Jewely to me. When my parents were thinking of what to name her, my dad came up with Jewel, which they changed to Jewely, because she was a jewel. And a jewel she was.

I have to admit when I first got Jewely, I wasn't particularly drawn to her. I was glad she was a companion to Diego, but she just always snuck under blankets and didn't come out to play. She never was a playing dog. I'd give her a treat or a toy, and she would ignore the toy and sometimes take the treat off to her bed and eat it there. In fact, I always found it interesting when she found a treat she really liked. One time she got one of those rawhide sticks from my mom, and she loved it, gnawing on it for over an hour. It was almost like she needed to be taught how to be a dog.

But I gradually came to love Jewely. I'd cherish how she was the quintessential lap dog - how I could always count on her to be with me if I wanted her to be, how she'd cherish my warmth. She wasn't an attention dog. She just liked to be warm and happy. I have to admit, although I love all of my dogs, I really took a special liking to her.

I remember so well after Diego died, I wondered how it would affect Jewely, and I found that she missed him. I could just tell that she was lonely. It made me cheer up, in a way, to know that I wasn't the only one to really miss Diego. Diego was such an obnoxious dog, even more than Chloe is now, that I wasn't sure if anyone really missed him. I found out later my friend Amy did, which also helped cheer me up.

So I let Jewely sleep in my bed again, which I hadn't after Diego and she would sleep right on each side of me, which prevented me from rolling over in my own bed. I cherished those days. I eventually stopped letting her sleep with me, as I was concerned with her and Chloe peeing on my flooor, but there were several times over the years that I let her sleep with me, usually on the couch.

Jewely would love to be under the covers. If I pulled out a blanket on the couch, and if she was in the other room, she would run because she knew her blanket was out. Usually before I could even lay down, she was there. Sometimes that was annoying, but more often I would laugh. She was so funny. She loved to burrow, and would find holes in pillows and burrow even further.


I loved to see her snuggle up to people, particularly my dad. She loved to lay down right next to him and curl up into a little ball. She would just be at peace. She would also often get behind people when they were sitting on the couch, keeping warm between their back and the couch. We'd always worry about someone sitting on her or leaning back and smashing her, because she just liked to burrow, and was so quiet when she nestled up. There were so many times I had to call out for Jewely, not knowing where she was, and sure enough, she'd sneaked out from under a blanket, a towel, or a shirt.

Oh, she loved shirts. I'd often be laying down and find a wet nose on my stomach or back as she'd try to get under my shirt. There were several times I kept her in a sweatshirt I was wearing, and she'd sneak out between the sleeves. That's the defining image of Jewely, under the covers or running to get under covers.

But there were other unique things about her. Kind of gross, but it was cute the way she eliminated her body waste. She'd stand on her front two legs and raise her little butt in the air, with her little cropped tail, and dance around on those two front legs until the waste was gone. I always wondered what would happen when she got older if she had back problems, because her back would be almost in a circle. Oh, and sometimes she'd look up at me while eliminating and look like she'd rather me not watch.

The way she ate her food was also interesting. She would raise her snout up and into the food bowl, and very quickly try to get a kibble. But often, if not most times, she was unsuccessful, so it would take several attempts to do the task of getting one kibble. Then when she had the kibble, she'd take it somewhere else to eat it. I can't think that it was very efficient, which is probably why she never had any fat on her. Maybe because of her small snout, it was the easiest way to get food for her. But she definitely also loved her dog biscuits, and she loved getting treats, although often she wouldn't do anything with the treats once she got them. I guess she liked the idea of getting the treat. I could always tell when she hadn't finished a treat, because when I let Chloe and Jewely out when I got home from work, Chloe would immediately go to Jewely's crate and eat whatever snack had been tormenting her all day. But her biscuits she'd eat, and I had to make sure Chloe didn't take hers after gobbling her own down. It was cute to hear Jewely's little growl when she was trying to eat her snack. Jewely had learned to growl more, which I thought was good. Although Chloe was younger, she definitely was the intimidator, which always made me kind of sad. I wish I could have made Chloe realize that since Jewely was the oldest, she was in charge, but Jewely just wasn't normally that way. But when she got her little growl going, it was cute, but you could tell she meant it.

But I think the thing I will miss the most about Jewely is the way she'd let me know that she wanted to be picked up. She'd jump on on my leg, like most dogs do, but she wouldn't stop, and her little legs and claws would keep on going on my shins and the area around there. And with her dog tag and license, it would make a little clinking sound all the time. I can still feel those precious feet jumping up on me. I hope I never forget that feeling. I wish there was a way to record that.

It was always cute to see her walking around the house, and the way she'd look up at me. She was just so cute and dainty, and her tags would clank all the time. And she loved the sun. I'm glad she got to experience the new house, because I'd love to see her outside sitting down like a sphinx, soaking up the sun. She loved that sun, with her eyes partially open.

I can't leave this tribute to Jewely without talking about the time I thought I lost Jewely for good. Jewely had been used to me taking her out to go potty in the morning and in the evening. One night it was late, about 11, when I took her out again, and figured (stupidly) that that was the best time to try her without a leash. I didn't even imagine she'd try to venture out on her own. But she did, she quickly started exploring, and with her black hair, I soon found it impossible to find her. I yelled for her, but couldn't see her. And this was before she had her dog tag, so I couldn't hear her. I was barefoot and tried running down the hill where I last saw her under a street light. But when I got down to the bottom of the hill, I couldn't find her. I ran back and got some shoes and looked around, but nothing. I went to get my car and drive around to find her, and called my mom, but after more than an hour of searching, my mom said she probably curled up somewhere to sleep for the night, so I went home to sleep.

I called in sick the next day at work and spent so much of that day trying to find her. I drove across the busy street close to my house to the other side, in case she went over there in the middle of the night when the street wasn't so busy. I drove around all of the streets within a reasonable distance of my condo, and walked all around my complex, but no avail. I called the animal shelter and everything. Finally, early in the afternoon, I decided I'd take one more drive around my street, which follows a u shape around the busy street. As I was getting close to the side street that ended up at the cul-de-sac where my condo's driveway was, I noticed several cars slowing down and a little black object in the middle of the street. I pulled over to the side and called out for Jewely. She turned around and looked up at me as if to say, "Oh there you are! I've been looking for you!" I picked her up and she was so tired she went to sleep almost instantly. This was just about six months after Diego died, and I was sure I had lost my little Jewely, so I was so happy to see her again. I believe she slept with me that night too.

There were a few times Jewely would start to run off. She liked to go her own way sometimes, I guess. She would eventually stop and let me pick her up, but sometimes I had to go for a bit to get her. And of course, a few weeks ago when I knew someone had been in my back yard, it was Jewely that let me know. I sent her out to go to the bathroom, and went back to the living room to watch TV. But soon I noticed Jewely out on my front door step, waiting for me to let her in. Luckily she decided to stay close that day rather than run around trying to explore. That image will also forever be in my head. I just loved the way she'd look up at me.

And I will miss a family member holding her and I walk out the front door. She'd move around and squiggle, wanting to come to me. I guess that's when you know they really like you.

Jewely was such a sweet adorable dog. Since she died and I let the world know of my grief on Facebook, I have heard from many people sad that she's gone, even devastated. There were many people that just loved Jewely. I can't believe she's gone, and that I had a hand in it (see previous post). I know it was an accident, but I can't believe she's not here anymore, barking when she hears Chloe barking (because she usually didn't bark on her own), or hearing the pitter patter of her tiny feet on my hardwood floors. To not see that little body of hers coming around the corner, looking around wondering what's going on. I can still smell her on my blanket, although it's a mixture of Chloe and her. I'll be so sad when that smell is gone. I know she will never be forgotten, and that she's there now, up in Heaven, playing with Diego. Maybe Tigger and Bouncer are there as well to say hello. I hope it's a long time before Chloe and Chase come to say hi as well. Chase will hardly know her.

So, why did I say the life and meaning of Jewely? I think the meaning part has to do with what I learned from Jewely. So, what did I learn? I learned to cherish the quiet moments, the snuggle of a little one, and the warmth and security we can get from our friends. I learned to be careful of delicate things, although not careful enough. I've learned that your heart can be broken by the loss of someone only three pounds. But I learned how much love that three pounds can give, and how precious each and every one of God's creatures is.

I know there are some that don't believe dogs have spirits, like humans do. They think when dogs go they are gone for good, never to be seen again. That's hogwash. I don't think God could let us get this attached to animals if we would never see them again. And from my beliefs, I know that God created everything spiritually as well as physically. I'm not sure what will happen in the next life in terms of the pets, if they'll get to hang around us or if they'll be doing their own thing, but I know I will get to see these animals again. I will get to play with Diego and Jewely and my cats, as well as Rusty and Prince and all the animals I've had before. And I will pick up Jewely and hug her, right after she jumps up on my leg to get my attention.




P.S. I edited above when my dad told me he was the one that came up with Jewely. It's great to see how many people she touched, but I think what got to me the most was my dad saying "it's hard not to have loved that dog." My dad isn't very personable with dogs, but he was with her. I mean, she was his dog before she was mine. I'm so glad they let me watch over her. I wish I could have done better, but I believe I gave her a great life. And it was so hard not to love her.

Rest in peace, my sweet Jewely

Jewely's the smaller dog

I'm going to do two posts on my poor sweet Jewely, my very Miniature Pinscher, who died Monday night. First the difficult part - how she died.

I was watching my friends' dog Charlie this weekend. He's a young rottweiler and was very good company for my puppy Chase. They really enjoyed spending time together and when the family came to pick up Charlie, I figured Chase would be a little lonely, so I figured I'd take my little min pins out to play with him. Actually, I was only going to take Chloe out, since she's bigger and actually does play somewhat with him (still getting used to another dog in the house), but since they were both in the same kennel, I just picked both of them up and walked outside. And then sweet Jewely slipped from my arms. That didn't happen all of the time, but it had happened before, and no problem. She'd land on her feet and acted like nothing happened. But Monday night she must have landed on her head, because after looking down I realized that she was dead right away. I put Chloe down and quickly picked up Jewely. Thank God my dad was there fixing up the house. I ran in with her and he quickly took her from me. He tried giving CPR chest compressions for about half an hour, and I called my vet at home (sorry Brother K.) and asked if there was anything I could do. He said what my dad was doing was really all that you could do. For awhile it looked like it might be working. Jewely's eyes moved a bit and she's stick her tounge out or yawn, but after awhile, she was gone.

It's so hard for me. She was such a delicate dog and I dropped her. Or let her slip from me. I know it wasn't my fault, but oh how I wish I could go back in time - decide not to take the dogs out, only take Chloe, let them walk out instead of picking them up, hold onto Jewely better like I should have done. On my next post, when I talk more about the life of Jewely, and post pictures, you'll see why she was so delicate. I've prayed for the Lord to give my comfort and help take the guilt away, but it's not completely working yet. My faith isn't strong enough yet. She was just so delicate. The image of her slipping from my arms still goes through my mind.

I'm greatful for the many people who have told me it's not my fault, that accidents happen, not to beat myself up about it, and that it was just her time. I know that's all true. If she hadn't had wriggled out of my arms before with no problems, not even a yelp, I for sure would have held her more securely. Still, it doesn't take the pain away.

OK, I can't talk about this anymore. I need to talk about the good things with Jewely.

A 'Wicked'ly Awesome 4th of July

My mom and dad came up this weekend for my mom to check out my place and to help me clean the condo, and my dad to help me fix up both the house and condo. Mom and I have been wanting to see Wicked for awhile, so I looked up and got some good tickets (Orchestra, Row R, seat 115), so off we went. Rather than facing potentially bad 4th of July traffic, we took BART in and got off at the station right below the Orpheum Theater.


Taking the BART to see Wicked!

Wow, what a great show! I really enjoyed it, and my Mom did too. So let's see, I've now seen Les Miserables, Phantom of the Opera, Lion King, Jersey Boys, A Chorus Line, and Wicked. I've liked all the ones I've seen (well, A Chorus Line only because someone paid for me), and would definitely love to see it again. I'd put Wicked up there with The Lion King and Les Miserables. Ones I will definitely see again in the future (or have already seen a ton - such as with The Lion King). It's such a great experience seeing these great shows with friends and loved ones. I've now see most of those shows with my mom, and it's great. Now, you're not supposed to take pictures inside the theater, so I can't tell you how I came across the photo below. But it's so cool, I had to show you! Oh, and Patty Duke was in it, as Madame Morrible!

Definitely a great way to spend the 4th of July. By the time we got home and got some new window coverings at JC Penney, we were tired and didn't go anywhere for fireworks. Instead, we watched the numerous shows playing them on TV (Boston, D.C., and New York). It was a fantabulous day!

Sometimes it just hits you

I was very excited the other night to go visit some friends in a quadruple (although I think it was actually quintuple) baby shower. It was friends from my old ward at my favorite person's house (that's for you, Shawn). I was enjoying myself when all of a sudden it hit me how alone I felt. I think it was a combination of missing everyone there, realizing I'm not in the same ward as them, and hearing everyone talking about their children and their husbands. Plus I have been thinking of how nice it is to come home to somebody, and if there are any problems with my house or my job, having someone to talk about it that directly affects both of us..... all that stuff just kept coming up.

So I excused myself for a moment and went outside for a few minutes. As I did, my friend Teresa said, "Oh, I still have Rebecca's Grow a Boyfriend for you in the car." Which is really unfortunate that she said that at the time. Anyway, after coming back in, I wasn't ready yet to go back into the living room, so I sat on the stairs, and when Shawn came by, I said I was looking at pictures of her daughter and daughter-in-law at their weddings. Which I was, but that wasn't why I went over there.

Anyway, after trying to go back to the group, I got a text from Teresa asking why I was down, so I told her, but the feelings were welling up inside, so I had to go back to the stairs. Teresa came by and cried with me, telling me she felt really dumb for her grow a boyfriend comment. But I felt better, and soon some more people came by and we joked around. And the night went on, and I felt better.

It ended up being a great night, and I felt bad about letting my emotions get the best of me. I'm usually OK with not being married and having a family of my own, but sometimes it just really gets to me.