So, I need some help from my friends who I know read this blog (at least occasionally). Being 35 and never in a serious relationship, I think it's safe to say I'm awkward around the men. I know a lot of it has to do with self esteem issues, which have only got harder to deal with as I've gained weight and gotten older.
So, there's a new guy I'm interested in. He's seven years younger than me, but that doesn't seem to be a problem so much for a guy in his late 20s as it might be for a guy closer to just being off his mission. Besides, that's almost the exact age difference between my brother and his girlfriend. And I know a few girls he dated or was interested in before, and they've had some poundage with them. Not as big as me, but still an encouraging trend.
And I should point out that we're friends. Not great friends, but still pretty good. I don't have a lot of single guy friends (I have a lot of sort of friends, but nobody I hang out with other than at large group activities), so I don't want to jeopardize the friendship at all. So, you married people who have been successful at wooing a man, I need help. How do I let him know I'm interested without scaring him if he's not. Is that possible, or do I need to either let it be or go out on that limb?
So help me oh experienced ones. You're my only hope. (Star Wars reference)
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
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5 comments:
I am sure that every experience is different... That being said, I think the best thing to do is just to become better friends and see what happens. As you get to know him better, you will start to figure out what is a turn on or off for him. For example, when Seth and I were in the friend stage, one day for some random reason, he decided to tell me his "philosophy of dating." (Probably because of some frustrations with a girl he had asked out a few times.) That was when I learned that for him, it was a turn-off if he thought a girl was chasing him. Ironicaly, this told me exactly how to chase him and so even though people kept telling me to ask him out I didn't. I also found out he liked painted toe nails, so... Anyway, every guy is different, but it never hurts to make a friendship stronger. Also, start working on things you want to improve about yourself - since it never hurts to do that anyway, and you will be happier if you do that. If you want to lose weight, start making small changes that will help you do that (you can't reach any goal all at once and small managable changes are more likely to stick anyway). My accomplishment is that 6 weeks after this baby was born, I now weigh less than when we got married. I would still like to lose 40 pounds at least, but I am 40 pounds less than my highest non-pregnant weight. Here is what has worked for me, thought you have to figure out what has worked for you. I started by making two changes - started using smaller plates at meal time with a larger salad/vegetable and I started walking 5 days a week. At first, I only walked about a mile, but then I increased until I was eventually doing as many as 5-8 miles in a a day. Then I added lifting weights to my routine, though that was months later after I had already established some habits. As I adjusted to eating less, then I started making small changes to make the meals healthier... For me, I am not a good wife and mother if I am hungry, so I make sure I eat if I am hungry. I try to exercise as much as I can which makes me feel good inside and out. But, you have to do it for yourself, and don't start too big or you will give up - I think that is true about anything. Set a little goal that you will be happy with and you can achieve and then keep adding to it. You will reach your big goal eventually. And be his friend and don't be afraid to let it become more because you don't want to lose what you have. Sorry, I talked so long and didn't really say anything!
Boy, I wish there was a magic solution for this. I'd be rich if I could turn it into a pill! I agree with what Lorraine said. Let the friendship get stronger without any apparent "chasing" going on. Find things you have in common and focus on those. Let him see you having fun with and enjoying other people too. And like she said, we always feel better about ourselves when we are working on our own issues which also helps us be more confident around others. You have a lot going for you so don't sell yourself short. Be prayerful about it. If Heavenly Father wants you to be with him, and you pray about it, it will happen. Your prayers might also lead you to realize you don't like him that much after all. Heavenly Father really is interested in your life and choosing a mate is one of the most critical decisions you will make so OF COURSE you will need His help. Let H.F. know what you're thinking and ask for His guidance. He will give it. I know that from experience. Love you and good luck!
I totally agree with what was said. You are AMAZING. Don't sell yourself short!!! Pray and pray hard. Heavenly Father will guide you to what you are supposed to do. Study your patriarchal blessing. I have found so much guidance from that. The biggest advice I have for you is don't act desperate!! Most of my guy friends are really turned off by the girl that is an easy catch. Let him make the first move. (I know that can be hard) Just like Shawn said, let him see you having fun with others. Keep us posted on how it goes. Love you!!!
Thanks for the advice! With some advice from a friend, I've decided to pursue another friend. I found out there's a lot of competition for the guy I like. Which is funny. So I think I'm going to focus right now on a guy at work that I find interesting.
It's good to have focus but I agree with the not chasing. "Most" guys will not be interested if they know the girl is already interested or chasing them. Although there are the few that require the being chased to get in a relationship at all. I like the advise that has already been given. Loves
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