I was very excited the other night to go visit some friends in a quadruple (although I think it was actually quintuple) baby shower. It was friends from my old ward at my favorite person's house (that's for you, Shawn). I was enjoying myself when all of a sudden it hit me how alone I felt. I think it was a combination of missing everyone there, realizing I'm not in the same ward as them, and hearing everyone talking about their children and their husbands. Plus I have been thinking of how nice it is to come home to somebody, and if there are any problems with my house or my job, having someone to talk about it that directly affects both of us..... all that stuff just kept coming up.
So I excused myself for a moment and went outside for a few minutes. As I did, my friend Teresa said, "Oh, I still have Rebecca's Grow a Boyfriend for you in the car." Which is really unfortunate that she said that at the time. Anyway, after coming back in, I wasn't ready yet to go back into the living room, so I sat on the stairs, and when Shawn came by, I said I was looking at pictures of her daughter and daughter-in-law at their weddings. Which I was, but that wasn't why I went over there.
Anyway, after trying to go back to the group, I got a text from Teresa asking why I was down, so I told her, but the feelings were welling up inside, so I had to go back to the stairs. Teresa came by and cried with me, telling me she felt really dumb for her grow a boyfriend comment. But I felt better, and soon some more people came by and we joked around. And the night went on, and I felt better.
It ended up being a great night, and I felt bad about letting my emotions get the best of me. I'm usually OK with not being married and having a family of my own, but sometimes it just really gets to me.
Saturday, July 4, 2009
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4 comments:
Sending you hugs. It's been a few years since I was there, but I know how it feels.
remember if you are interested in going to the mid-single activities....I would love to go with you. you are closer to the activities, so I'd just have to find a way to your house and then we could go from there. (It's so hard being with out a car in some aspects and a blessing in others. ~sigh~)
I don't think this is a fix all strategy but sometimes it's just good to hang out with people in the same boat once in a while.
I was so glad you came but I'm so sad you felt bad. I'm glad it got better. I'm sorry if I said anything insensitive--we can be that way sometimes without even thinking. You know we love you and always want you around. See you tomorrow night at dance class, I hope!
Thanks everyone, and I will take you up on that, Amy. We need to go again. I haven't really heard of them doing things since our run through the corn maze in October.
Lorraine, thanks for the kind words. It's always good to know there have been many with similar situations that found someone. Hopefully he's out there somewhere. I think he's probably just being stupid now instead of searching for me!
And Shawn, thanks again for the great party. I definitely didn't plan on feeling that way when I went. I hate being a woman sometimes, those dang emotions are so close to the surface sometimes that you never know what will set it off.
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