Missin' my girls

This is a LONG one. Sorry about that, but it's about a very important few years in my life.

Yesterday I was released as the Young Women President of my ward. Members in our church are called to various positions, either in charge of music, helping with the children of the ward, Sunday School, the women or the men. I was in charge of the 12-18 year old girls. It was a very sad day for me. I got the opportunity to bear my testimony, but partly because I felt guilty of getting too emotional with one of my girls about to speak (the one I'm sure was the most upset to lose me as President), partly because I was trying to keep it a testimony, as requested, and not a forum for me to talk about myself and how much I'll miss my girls, and partly (mostly) because all of these emotions were coming out and I didn't have them properly organized, I didn't get to say all that I wanted to. So I'll do it here.

After graduating from BYU and moving back to California, I was looking for a singles ward to go to, but thought the one in Santa Rosa was too far to go to from Petaluma, so I decided to just to go the family ward. I never thought about being in Young Women and was happy just doing what I was doing. Then I moved to Vallejo, and I still didn't think much of it until one year I thought it would be fun to go to camp. I didn't know who I should talk to, but knew the Stake Young Women President was in my ward (hi Shawn!), so I asked her, but she said they didn't need anybody but perhaps I should talk to the ward YW president. I didn't for some reason. Then Kathy J. was called as the YW president of our ward, and I let her know that I would be interested in joining their happy gang if they ever wanted me, and I think she had submitted my name when they announced the creation of the Napa young single adult ward. I was a little crushed, because I was pretty sure I would have been called to Young Women, but figured I should support the YSA ward, especially since I only had a couple of years left to enjoy it.

So I went to the new ward and was called to be the Relief Society President. It's funny, there have been three times in my life when I was pretty sure I was going to be called as president of something, and I was right two of those times (RS President and YW President). The other time, the first time, I was called as Second Counselor, which I think in a way led up to the other two times). I was getting along great with the Bishop and enjoying my calling, even though I didn't really feel adequate. Then he moved away and I got a new bishop. This bishop was as warm and inviting, and I really felt inadequate in my calling, so I felt relieved when he told me I was being released. While I was happy not to have the responsibility, I was just going through the pains of realizing that I was turning 31 and so was about to be kicked out of my YSA ward (it's supposed to be only for those 18 through 30), I just had a big fight with my best friend, and I was losing my calling, so I was a bit adrift.

I told Sister J. that I would like to go to camp again (I went the previous year and had fun, although I was a very slow hiker on the third year hike). That second year was different. Maybe I wasn't as concerned with hanging out with my single friends (there were four of us about my age in third year the year before). I was watching the girls more this year, and seeing how they interacted. I was a tent leader for the second years, and it happened to be the year that most of the girls from my home ward were there for, either as second year girls or YCLs. I have to say, I fell in love with all of them and their spirit. Most of the YCLs I had in my Sunday School class a couple of years before, and they were frankly bratty, talkative, and not always fun to be around. But I got to see them as wonderful future leaders, as caring and considerate, and I loved spending time with the second year girls. In short, I knew that I had found a home, and instead of wondering what to do with myself, I knew I wanted to return to my family ward and hopefully get to work with these wonderful Young Women.

I returned home and told Sister J. that I was moving back to the ward and if she was in need of anyone and felt the right prompting, I'd be happy to serve. It's the only time I ever 'campaigned' for a calling. She evidently agreed and about a month later (the bishop has never been especially quick with YW callings), I was called as a MiaMaid Advisor. What was really funny was that Megan, the Bishop's daughter, was so sure I was going to be called as Beehive Advisor, that when her dad called me to that, she very audibly said 'What!?' in front of the congregation. We all laughed.

It was a great calling, getting to work with our three MiaMaids (four when one came back from another country). They were so full of life and I really liked their sense of humor. Leslie, Allison, and this girl I didn't know before, Rebecca. I really enjoyed that calling and would have been happy having it for years to come, but then Sister J. needed a new counselor. I should have known I was on the short list, as I went to almost every Mutual, even though I was only an advisor (if I remember right, they are encouraged to attend). I was somewhat reluctant to take the calling, because I knew that Sister J. had been YW President for awhile and that she was likely to be released soon. And with the release of the president, her counselors are also released, so I was afraid I was going to be out of Young Womens just like that. However, it was about that time that I had a sneaky suspicion who the next YW President would be. April, the secretary, and I kept joking that each other was going to be called as the new president. But like I said, I kind of felt I already knew.

Then it happened one night after Mutual. The Bishop asked Sister J. how long she had been president, and she said about three years. She knew and I did that after that, her time as president was almost done. And sure enough, a couple of weeks later, at a Mutual at Sister J's house, the Bishop asked to use Evan's room as his office, and released her and myself and then called me as the new Young Women President. The Bishop said they knew I could do a good job as I had the experience as RS President. Because I had been expecting it, I was very quick to say I accept.

When I was called in Church the next Sunday, Megan was at first worried as Sister J and I were both released (along with the second counselor), but then relieved when I was called as President and April as my first counselor - it took me awhile for my second counselor. The girls were sad to lose Sister J. but we had fun.

I remember when I realized I had the mantle of leadership for the Young Women. That it was all up to me. That's a lot of responsibility, to be in charge of leading these girls to try to avoid all the pratfalls of teenage years. I was neverous about it but grew to love it. These were my girls. Some of them are young enough to actually be my daugters, if I had children when I was 18 or 19. These were my girls. I loved them and cared about them. I was sad when they would graduate and leave for college. Our present size is about a third of what it was when I first came into Young Womens. I miss the larger group, but it was so much fun being with our small little group of girls.

As I mentioned, I found a home with the Young Women. It's depressing being in Relief Society, hearing everyone talk about difficulties with husbands or children, or even worse, hearing all the great happy stories and not getting to share any of mine. Not that I'm not happy, just that my stories don't really complement the lesson usually. Here with the Young Women we could share our hopes and dreams of our future. I didn't feel like an outcast because I was single. I could relate to the Young Women and their feelings. And I came to love them as my daughters.

When the bishop told me at the end of my tithing settlement that I was being released, it came as a complete shock. I don't know how long the average Young Women President serves, but figured since Kathy J. served three years, and since one more year would have put me past the new bishop, and thinking there was no way the bishop would release me if he had to suffer the wrath of his daughter (who for some reason just absolutely loves me), I figured I had about a year to go. And I was excited, because besides camp, there was also Trek this year. I didn't get involved in the last one, and I was very excited to be involved in this one and hear the girls experiences and help them prepare. But it's not to be.

I was very surprised and distraught. I was a little bitter, as I mentioned in my testimony yesterday, but I think it was more a feelign of loss, of sadness. Not knowing what I would do next. I really didn't want to go to Relief Society, but the prospect of serving in Primary wasn't too appealing. I also thought it was hard not having kids to get to see all of these adorable children. I was very sad, and when going to my parents ward's Christmas party, I did a little pouting that of course the Young Women had to be the ones serving. See, I'm a jealous person, and the idea of anybody now getting to spend time with the great Young Women of the church made me a bit sad, because that won't be me. It's weird, I've never been so upset to leave a calling. I guess it's the close bond that we develop in general as Young Women Presidents as well as my own issues I deal with being single in the Church. I was just always happy, even during the tough times as President. I imagine it must be a small bit like what the Prophet must feel. Such love for those under his stewardship, that even with all the difficulties, it's totally worth it. Anyway, I was sad to say goodbye and again not knowing where I would serve next and if it would make me happy, but as I partook of the Sacrament last week, I very strongly heard 'Be still, and know that I am God.' I knew then that the Lord would take care of me and that all would be alright. And I think he did.

My new calling is working with the Primary kids who are seven but turning 8. It's an important year because that means they will be getting baptized. So it'll be fun to watch them go through it, and I know I will have some amazing kids this year, including two girls I adore from two of my favorite families in the ward. I'd have to say that I think this might possibly be the best place for me outside of Young Women. So kudos to the Primary President and all involved in listening to the Spirit. I think that if I were in Relief Society and had to see the Young Women leave every Fast Sunday, I would be very much wanting to join them. I guess it's good to have a complete break...for a little while. I definitely don't think that's the last time I'll work with the Young Women. I'm excited for the opportunities for my friend Shannon and her presidency. It's such a fun time and great opportunity to work with these young daughters of God. I will miss them terribly but am so greatful that they are in great hands.

As I feel this is kind of my testimony, I will conclude by saying I know the Lord lives and He listens to His children. He is there, always aware of our needs and wants. When one opportunity closes, another one awaits and by that we can become stronger and more compassionate. I know he lives, and loves me too! I know the Church is true and is led by those following the promptings of the Spirit. We might not always agree with our leaders, but they are put in that position for a reason, and the Lord will never fail us.

And this I say in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.